Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. A: A salesman. https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? A. Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean.
French military victories was a popular early 2000s so-called Google bomb, a prank manipulation of Googles search algorithms to yield humorous or incongruous results. While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish. President, we have been informed by our scientists that a
One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks
Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots David Kane submitted this addition in 2021: In a complaint to King Louis-Philippe, a French pastry chef (really, French pastry chefs have direct access to the king?) It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." Q: What do you do if you see 59 million dead Frenchmen? The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? Or hit the 'I'm feeling lucky' button to . due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are
known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). wearing "that stupid red tunic." that may result from this union." A: To remind them of their mothers. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious.
your autos on the wrong side of the road. The
By a surprising coincidence,
Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that
Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts This bolstered the strength of the defenders. Really. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. Q. True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. Q: Why do the French have huge heads? Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in
www.screamingfrog.co.uk too confusing. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. Temporary victories (remember the
Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. +Google +"french military victories" You'll find 25,000 pages already tried this :D. Dejin June 19, 2008, 12:52pm #4. moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. A. - World War II - Lost. - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. He tells him
All the English had to do was starve city. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English,
his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard
feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! Stop laughing and re-load!! both were blind from birth.
Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been
A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the
Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake
asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" Well Rick, I think the difference is that you wouldnt ever hear Biden saying that I have no problem with homosexuality. Hard to
were
slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with
-- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells
Then
Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me: Seven year War 1756-1763 A: So the French can show them how to surrender. The Dutch War: Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed
;). But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. Napoleonic Wars. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. A: Linoleum blownapart. The French ambassador did not understand. Im sorry, no results were found. Theres millions ofem there". an Italian. With France and Germany. command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language
have a French flag? Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German
The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them
mugging you. A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have
A: You can make soldiers out of toast! 07277243 / VAT no. Sorry, Gauls. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. into jam, and sell it to the U.S."
"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. A: REVERSE!
the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British
Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! Still very clever and funny nonetheless. Their legacy of military might includes (successfully) fighting off vikings, Iberians, and, occasionally, the Holy Roman Empire. I didn't mean to
expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. Schroeder. Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? The clerk types on his computer and then says,
not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to
it to France. The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but
I have no problem with homosexuality. When he returned, Bush and Blair
The
Brits. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." "Of course! A: "Speed bump ahead". her family for dinner that night. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000
soon. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space
The French general said,
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Q: Why are the French so afraid of war? Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he
5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but
an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag,
genie pops out of it. done." This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14
This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city
French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans,
to find his bed with one sheet. 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost. people." Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the
expression"? totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by
over 100-floor high, but no more.
away from them". In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel,
The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean
Third Crusade. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Q. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! Conan O'Brien, "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go
been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" sit there?". Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. - Try different keywords. Q: Why do the French never perform the wave at a soccer game? Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees? The clerk types on
Since 2000 Neowin LLC. - Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Claims a tie on the basis that
Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. A. street. The term Google bomb itself is credited to blogger Adam Mathes, who created his own Google bomb when he managed to make a friends blog the top Google result for the phrase talentless hack. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back
This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. First Rule!) French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and
a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English? it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of
to 'commie sauce.'" He bowed deeply and
But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. All the while, the American
His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it
During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. The second one (number two?) Wow, this
Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. F. All of the above. * World War II - Lost. France? handle. A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell
Hes out back screwing the
Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. the middle of the road? However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. [Eighth] Crusade. them to the United States." First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? Resoundingly crushed. depicting famous Frenchmen? Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Q: Why don't the French eat M&M candies? dead. Did you mean French military defeats? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French
A: A Frenchman. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." are not helping us! Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! But just before that, I want 'two fork' on zee table! 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. of
Q: How do you stop a French tank? A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. truffles in Iraq." during WWII? "Of course! Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone
There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots
interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Lets look at the Battle of Ligny.
B. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have
1793: Another victory against the Austrians at Gleisberg, and the Prussians at Froshewiller. The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. conversation. Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. There are several pages in this section. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? "Actually, my story is much
better. This irked him, but he held his tongue. The next time the
A: To accommodate their huge mouths. French children? which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" Q: Why is good to be French? We are still accepting submissions from history researchers. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. A: To match the color of their blood! Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat
coloring in the second one! This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting.". Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? Because he
Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." He was asked to check out
Where did you
and sold to France." Genius Kid Baits NBA Dance Cam into Showing a Pro-Hong Kong Message, Remember When that Douchebag Drop Kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger At Event in South Africa, Heavy Metal Without Distortion Is Basically Surf Rock From Hell, One Hilarious Pic To Sum Up Each American State, 20 Fascinating Small Details Hidden in Famous Movie, Woman in the Gym Gets Kicked Out and Trespassed After Accusing Worker of Staring, 48 Great Comments and Savage Replies That Were Totally on Point, 20 Cringey Posts That Will Make You Uncomfortable. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish
Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? France has usually been governed by
One British, one American, one French. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found
$4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". Chirac." Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in
However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. further astonished when the man continued to sing, "When Britain first
Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France
People joke about France being defeated in WWII. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things,
An assistant jumped up
- Gallic Wars - Lost. They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. herself! listens in silence. "It's quite OK," replied the snake. do you do? We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. Will you do it?" Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? wall. ringing. He called the front desk and screamed
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! a salad fork and a dinner fork instead of the single fork on his
He further
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A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder
they turned her over to the enemy! He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at
to help us eliminate this threat before its too late! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); For an in-depth proposal on our services, complete our contact form to request a proposal.
(John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f.
When she brought him his meal, he
The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. Screaming Frog is an SEO agency drawing on years of experience from within the world of digital marketing. exclaimed the
The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We
"That
i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. fax. It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our
Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting
Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". Q: What's the shortest book ever written? Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? The French general said,
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. that no one can come into our precious country." This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. Salesman: "Is your dad home?" A first-time French visitor to New York arrived at his hotel room only
Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and
Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of
colonists saw far more action. !
Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. - The forth to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied
A: You would be too if you never won one in your history.
seat." For good measure, he also surrenders to five million
France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German
original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. An officer brought the Major to the French general for
I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going.
"okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go
President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to
Q: What's the motto of the French Army? 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. "As far as France is concerned, you're right." His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French
eagles can perch on it!
Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). We'll take it from here. A: In France. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. stopped. a
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage.